The only thing worse than seeing a skinny-fat person naked is horrible gym music. Where I’m forced to train right now due to logistics and time, plays the most god-awful crap that’s ever been heard in the gym. Today was the final straw: 80’s love ballads. What. The. F*ck?!
There’s only two types of appropriate music in the gym: stuff that gives your adrenal glands a beating as they pump out enough ephedrine so your heart can keep up with the tempo and shit that makes you flat out angry that any amount of iron is beyond your capability to lift. That’s it. Two. Sade, Carly Rae Jepsen and Taylor Swift do not belong in the gym. And the only thing that has anything to do with Justin Beiber that belongs in the gym is a picture of his face on the heavy bag.
Since it appears outside the realm of the big-box gym staff to choose appropriate music (or to even change the channel when I ask nicely), I’m going to finally invest in an ipod-thingy. No, not an actual iPod because I hate everything Apple, especially since they started claiming they invented the rectangle and began suing over it. My first-stringers that make up the DH playlist are below.
DH Kiefer’s Playlist
1. NOFX: Hot Dog in a Hallway
It’s always good to start the playlist off with something off-the-wall with a good beat so you can shed the detritus of the day.
2. The White Stripes: Seven Nation Army Remix (Glitch Mob Remix)
You can download this version from here.
3. Queen / Armageddon: I Want It All/We Will Rock You [Mash-Up]
From the Sucker Punch Soundtrack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4sZlyOc58k
4. AC/DC: Shoot to Thrill
Everyone goes ga-ga for Back in Black. I want a little more adrenaline.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kD8sxIjVuc
5. Marilyn Manson: MobScene
Uh, adrenaline anyone?
http://vimeo.com/30507795
6. Black Strobe: I’m A Man
Featured on the RockNRolla Soundtrack
7. White Zombie: More Human Than Human (Meet Bambi In The King’s Harem Remix)
Could any song be more appropriate for someone utilizing the principles of DH?
8. NIN: Head Like a Hole (Copper Remix)
This one gets me pissed off at all the fake gurus out there selling shit just to make a buck.
9. Pulp Fiction: Ezekiel 25:17
Sometimes you need some encouraging words thrown into the mix…
10. Oasis: Fucking In the Bushes
From the Snatch soundtrack. Keeps the momentum going.
11. Cake: The Distance
I don’t think anyone needs to justify this song’s place in the gym.
http://vimeo.com/11512947
12. Monster Magnet: Space Lord
I’ve been hooked on this song ever since the movie Talladega Nights (one of the funniest Will Ferrell movies ever).
13: KMFDM: Beast
Beast Mode: On
14. Van Halen: Everybody Wants Some
Before Van Halen decided to become a bunch of pussies, they made kick-ass music.
15. Motley Crue: Kickstart My Heart
A true adrenaline junky song.
16. Linkin Park: Papercut
17. Disturbed: Down With the Sickness
Yes, I am always disturbed when I watch big-box trainers with clients in the gym.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fq3QmtV8vT0
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